Monday, May 31, 2010

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man

-1Advice to Young Men from an Old Man (original post)

1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without
cause, its stupid.
2. Don’t hate women. It’s a waste of time
3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.
4. Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.
5. As a former Marine, take it from me. Don’t join the military, unless you want
to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people’s economic or
political interests.

6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.

7. Don’t be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or
patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don’t be a
“conservative.” They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who
think they’re perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a
while, you’ll see what I mean.

8. Don’t take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical.
9. You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe
them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people shit.

10. Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society
recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them.
Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and
collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.

11. As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have
advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments,
government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is
looking out for you.

12. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone
Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the
revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it
with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where
none is due.
13. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father
probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side.
Everybody else worries about themselves.
14. Don’t be afraid to tell people to “Fuck off” when need be. It is an important
skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.

15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife fucking somebody else.
16. Keep fit.

17. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even
if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She
should know that you’ll take her part.

18. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her.
Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it
where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your
own back yard.
19. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to
your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.

20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to
flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship
they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If
they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone

21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an
intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short
period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you
about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.
22. Have and nurture friendships with women.

23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to
see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you,
move on to the next one. It’s her loss.

24. Don’t be an internet troll. Got out and live life. There is not a cadre of
beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful
women don’t need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women’s photos and
claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so
that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young “women” seeking NSA sex, and
asking for a picture are just a bunch of gay troll pic collectors. This is especially true if the post
uses common gay lexicon like “hole” as in “fuck my hole” or seeks “masculine” men, or uses the
word cock (except in the context of “Don’t send a cock shot.”) There are women on Craigslist.
They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30's or older.

25. When you become a man in full, know that people will get in your way. People who are
attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look.” Old
people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step
aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive aggressive methods to get you to
acknowledge their existence.
26. Don’t hate Jews, and don’t attack Jews, and don’t kill Jews, because the world isn’t going to
be a better place if you kill Jews.

27. Don’t gay bash. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how
they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to
intimidate people into conformity.

28. If your gay, admit it to yourself, your parents, your friends and society at
large. Be prepared to get harassed. See rule 14. If someone threatens you or
assaults you, call the cops. Have them arrested. You have no obligation to self
sacrifice because of who you are. As a gay person, you’ll have more social freedom than straight
men. Use it to protect yourself. Be prepared to get out of Dodge if your orientation makes your life
unbearable. Move to San Francisco, New York, Atlanta, or New Orleans. You’ll find a welcoming
community there.

29. Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those dudes who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs, or a dude with a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger. Live the life. Earn your bona fides.

30. Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and
attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men
commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence,
including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men
are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered
with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than
men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that
schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in
school. It is the boys in school getting fucked over, and prescribed ritalin for being boys. Real
wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says
something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty
31. Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Dissing Lady GaGa and other ways of alluding to being straight


In my experience, it is nearly impossible to go to a bar in the Castro without Lady GaGa being selected in the jukebox .  If you find yourself in a bar where men are going "ga ga" -- don't panic.  This provides the perfect opportunity to allude to the fact that you like girls.  Note:  claiming that she is hot does not work!  Lady GaGa is rumored to have pheromones coming out of her vagina that can turn gay men straight.  Instead, roll your eyes and exclaim, "Ugh, not this chick again!"

Notice the derogatory term, notice the disgruntled scoff.  Bar patrons certainly will take notice of your distinct lack of interest in music's new Madonna -- now you're flying below the gaydar.  ;)

Counter balance GaGa by selecting some Soundgarden from the jukebox. When it comes on, skull your pint and reminisce with the people around you about how cool it was to have video games with full length tracks like, "Rusty Cage" on titles such as Sega's Road Rash II.  For added effect, do this while recreating the technique of punching a cop off his motorcycle.


Click here to download:
Soundgarden_-_Rusty_Cage_(entire_video_version).flv (9188 KB)

Posted via web from Flying Below The Gaydar